Tue, 2025-Aug-05 22:21 (BST)
Title: Exit In Silence.
Genre: Sci-Fi, Mystery.
Logline;
Two innocent inmates in a maximum-security prison secretly harness the power of astral projection to gather intel from guards, fellow convicts, and the outside world—planning the perfect escape from within, one soul flight at a time.
I'm at a disadvantage because I haven't read it and I don't have a clue what astral projection is. Is it a lucid dream or dissociative state?
Anyway: thoughts to consider:
Clarify the protagonists’ motivation — “innocent” sets sympathy, but why they’re desperate or what’s at stake if they fail could heighten tension.
Add a ticking clock or threat — (“before execution,” “as the warden grows suspicious,” etc.).
Tighten rhythm — aim for ~35–40 words max.
A couple of options:
Option 1 (Balanced, concise):
"Two innocent inmates in a maximum-security prison use astral projection to spy on guards, rivals, and the outside world—plotting the ultimate escape before the warden discovers their otherworldly secret."
Option 2 (More mysterious & cinematic):
"In a maximum-security prison, two wrongfully convicted men discover they can leave their bodies at will—using astral projection to orchestrate an impossible escape before their secret reaches the wrong hands."
Best of luck. I just completed a script for a120-minute action drama and changed my logline 30-times.